Comprehensive & Collective Tips on Anger Management

Many of you have serious problem with managing your anger. Here I suggest you to a massive collection of tips. This would give you opportunity to build your attitude and make you a complete person. Thanks for reading.

What’s Your Anger Style?

Sixteen ways to manage your frustration, whether you have a quick temper or a biting sense of humor.

By

• Jenna McCarthy

Anger Style: Explosive

What it looks like: "If you leave your jacket on the floor one more time, I'm leaving you!" It may take a lot to push you over the edge, but when you get there, the earth shakes and people run for cover.
Why you might do it: If you were never taught how to deal with irritation, you may habitually swallow it until you can swallow no more. Eventually your top will blow. Some people are anger junkies, who get off on the adrenaline rush of an emotional explosion, not to mention the fact that the onslaught can mean they get their way―at least in the short term.
The damage: It is virtually impossible to feel empathy and anger simultaneously, so in the heat of the moment, you are more likely to say and do overly harsh things that you later regret.

How to Turn It Around

• Wait it out. "Research has shown that the neurological anger response lasts less than two seconds," says Ronald Potter-Efron, Ph.D., an anger-management specialist in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, and a coauthor of Letting Go of Anger. Beyond that, it takes a commitment to stay angry. Mentally recite the Pledge of Allegiance or count to 10 and see if the urge to explode has diminished.
• Own your emotions. A simple rephrasing of your feelings can help you feel more in control. "I'm really upset by your behavior" is much more effective and empowering than %#*&@!.

Anger Style: Self-Abuse

What it looks like: "It's my fault he doesn't help me. I'm a terrible wife." You find a way to make everything your fault, every single time.
Why you might do it: Somewhere along the line, your self-esteem took a beating and you decided that sometimes it's just safer and easier to be mad at yourself than at someone else.
The damage: Constantly turning angry feelings inward can set you up for continued disappointments and even depression.

How to Turn It Around

• Question yourself. Every time you feel the urge to assume blame, start by asking yourself, "Who told me I was responsible for this?" Then ask, "Do I really believe that?" Instead of accepting all responsibility, thank yourself for recognizing the pattern in the first place.
• Work on your self-worth. Make a list of your positive qualities. Developing a genuine sense of worthiness is a critical step in overcoming self-blame. Seek out a professional if you need more help in working around this issue.

Anger Style: Avoidance

What it looks like: "I'm fine. It's fine. Everything's fine." Even when there's a fireball of rage burning in your gut, you paste on a happy face and dodge any display of irritation. This isn't passive aggression; it's buried aggression.
Why you might do it: "Women in particular are told over and over again to be nice no matter what. Get angry and you could lose your reputation, marriage, friends, or job," says Potter-Efron. If you grew up in a volatile or abusive home, you may not believe anger can be controlled or expressed calmly.
The damage: The primary function of anger is to signal that something is amiss and encourage resolution. By ignoring that warning sign, you may end up engaging in self-destructive behaviors (overeating, excessive shopping). You're also basically giving the green light to other people's bad behavior or denying them the opportunity to make amends. How can they apologize if they don't know you've been hurt?

How to Turn It Around

• Challenge your core beliefs. Ask yourself, "Is it really fine for my employees to leave early whenever they want? For my partner to go golfing every weekend?" If you're honest, the resounding answer to these questions is probably "You know what? It's not fine." Recognizing that something is wrong is the first step to setting it right. 
• Step outside yourself. Imagine that a friend is the one being abused, overworked, or neglected. What would be the appropriate way for her to respond? Make a list of actions she might take, then ask yourself why it is OK for her, but not you, to react that way. 
• Embrace healthy confrontation. Someone ticked you off? Tell the person―in a positive, constructive way. Yes, he or she might be surprised, possibly even (gasp!) angered, by your words. And you know what? He or she will get over it. "Avoidance often does more damage to families and friendships than any expression of anger," says Potter-Efron.

Anger Style: Sarcasm

What it looks like: "It's OK that you're late. I had time to read the menu―40 times." You find a roundabout way of getting your digs in, with a half smile.
Why you might do it: You were probably raised to believe that expressing negative emotions directly isn't OK, so you take a more indirect route. If folks get mad, it's their fault, not yours. After all, you were just kidding. Can't people take a joke?
The damage: Even though couched in wit, your cutting comments can damage your relationships. Although some people insist that mockery is a form of intellectual humor, the very word sarcasm is related to the Greek word sarkazein, meaning "to tear flesh like dogs." Ouch.

How to Turn It Around

• Give it to them straight. "Sarcasm is passive-aggressive communication," explains Todd. Find words to express how you feel head-on. You might explain to a tardy friend, say, after you're seated, "I wish you would try to be on time, especially when you know we have limited time."
• Be firm and clear. This is especially true with children, to whom a gentle "Jumping on the furniture is not acceptable" sends a much clearer message than the snarky "Don't worry―we just happen to have $2,000 set aside for a new sofa."
• Speak up before you get bitter. Exercising assertiveness prior to arriving at your breaking point can help prevent a sarcastic streak from popping out.

Anger Style: Passive-Aggressive

What it looks like: "Oops. Did I delete all those old baseball games from the TiVo?" You don't hide or swallow your anger, but you express it in an underhanded way.
Why you might do it: You dislike confrontation, but you're no pushover, either. "People become 'anger sneaks' when they believe they can't stand up to others," says Potter-Efron. Some people who are cautious by nature turn to this style when they feel pushed outside their comfort zones.
The damage: You frustrate people. Todd puts it another way: "You're living your life around making sure other people don't get what they want, instead of striving for what would make you happy." The bottom line: No one wins.

How to Turn It Around

• Give yourself permission to get angry. Tell yourself that anger is your psyche's way of saying you're tired of being pushed around. A mantra: Assertiveness is fine; aggression (passive or otherwise) is not.
• Advocate for yourself. Instead of "forgetting" to turn in your report at work or showing up late to meetings, gather your courage and tell your boss that your workload has gotten too heavy or that you're having an issue with a coworker. It won't be easy, but neither is looking for another job.
• Take control. If you turn to passive aggression when you're uncomfortable with what's expected of you, it's important to do something to take the reins of your situation. Unable to manage the house or the finances solo? Rather than doing a haphazard job of it (subconsciously, of course), tell your partner how important it is that he contributes.
   

Anger Style: Habitual Irritation

What it looks like: "I am sick and tired of you borrowing my stapler! Get your own!" This is often less a reaction to events and more a default option. It's always on unless you consciously turn it off.
Why you might do it: If your discontent dwells directly below the surface and is constantly seeping through, there's probably resentment, regret, or frustration boiling beneath. Maybe your coworker got the promotion and you didn't. Or your marriage is falling apart and you're not sure why.
The damage: If you're always ready to blow, friends, family, and coworkers may take great pains to avoid upsetting you. Or they may avoid you altogether. The most likely result? No progress―you stay stuck in the same vicious cycle.
How to Turn It Around

• Get to the heart of it. What are you really mad about? If you dig deep, you'll realize it probably isn't about a stapler―or dirty socks on the floor, or an empty milk carton in the refrigerator, or any of the other small things that make you so frustrated. Consider professional intervention if you can't get to the bottom of it on your own.
• Tune in to anger clues. Become aware of the actions and feelings associated with your irritation. When you're enraged, do you ball your hands into fists? Pace around the room? Grumble, swear, or grit your teeth? As you identify and experience each physiological response, make a mindful effort to do something―anything―else.
• Visualize peace. Try this technique to stop rising anger before it overtakes you. Imagine your breath as a wave, a surge of color, or even a breeze. Watch it come in and out; optimally each breath will be deep and quiet. Hear yourself speaking calmly and softly to yourself and to others. Your anger reflex should diminish another degree each time you do this imaging.

Control your anger

Anger and your health

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. But managing anger can be a problem for many people who find it difficult to keep their anger under control.

Health issues linked to unresolved anger include high blood pressure, heart attack, depression, anxiety, colds, flu and problems with digestion.

But anger doesn’t have to be a problem. “You can control your anger, and you have a responsibility to do so,” says clinical psychologist Isabel Clarke, a specialist in anger management. “It can feel intimidating, but it can be energising too.”

Dealing with anger

“Everyone has a physical reaction to anger,” says Isabel. “Be aware of what your body is telling you, and take steps to calm yourself down.”

Recognise your anger signs

Your heart beats faster and you breathe more quickly, preparing you for action. You might also notice other signs, such as tension in your shoulders or clenching your fists. "If you notice these signs, get out of the situation if you’ve got a history of losing control,” says Isabel.

Count to 10

Counting to 10 gives you time to cool down so you can think more clearly and overcome the impulse to lash out.

Breathe slowly

Breathe out for longer than you breathe in, and relax as you breathe out. “You automatically breathe in more than out when you’re feeling angry, and the trick is to breathe out more than in,” says Isabel. “This will calm you down effectively and help you think more clearly.”

Managing anger in the long term

Once you're able to recognise the signs that you’re getting angry and can calm yourself down, you can start looking at ways to control your anger more generally. 

Exercise can help with anger

Bring down your general stress levels with exercise and relaxation. Running, walking, swimming, yoga and meditation are just a few of the activities that can help reduce stress. "Exercise as part of your daily life is a good way to get rid of irritation and anger,” says Isabel.

Looking after yourself may keep you calm

Make time to relax regularly, and ensure that you get enough sleep. Drugs and alcohol can make anger problems worse. “They lower inhibitions, and actually we need inhibitions to stop us acting unacceptably when we’re angry,” says Isabel. 

Get creative to get on top of your emotions

Writing, making music, dancing or painting can release tension and help reduce feelings of anger.

Talk about how you feel

Discussing your feelings with a friend can be useful, and can help you get a different perspective on the situation.

Look at the way you think

“Try to let go of any unhelpful ways of thinking,” says Isabel. “Thoughts such as ‘It’s not fair,’ or ‘People like that shouldn’t be on the roads,’ can make anger worse.”

Thinking like this will keep you focused on whatever it is that’s making you angry. Let these thoughts go and it will be easier to calm down.

Try to avoid using phrases that include:

• always (for example, "You always do that.")
• never ("You never listen to me.")
• should or shouldn't ("You should do what I want," or "You shouldn't be on the roads.")
• must or mustn't ("I must be on time," or "I mustn't be late.")
• ought or oughtn't ("People ought to get out of my way.")
• not fair

Getting help with anger

If you feel you need help dealing with your anger, see your GP. There might be local anger management courses or counselling that could help you.

There are private courses and therapists who can help with anger issues. Make sure any therapist you see is registered with a professional organisation, such as the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

Anger management programmes

A typical anger management programme may involve one-to-one counselling and working in a small group. The programmes can consist of a one-day or weekend course. In some cases, it may be over a couple of months.

The structure of the programmes can differ depending on who is providing it, but most programmes include CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) as well as counselling.

Domestic violence and anger

If uncontrolled anger leads to domestic violence (violence or threatening behaviour within the home), there are places that offer help and support. You can talk to your GP or contact domestic violence organisations such as Refuge, Women's Aid or the Alternatives to Violence Project.

Men of any age can be victims of domestic violence or abuse, in heterosexual or same-sex relationships. Help and support is available from Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 or Mankind on 01823 334 244.

Anyone who needs confidential help with their own abusive behaviour can contact Respect on their free helpline: 0808 802 4040.

Read more about getting help for domestic abuse.

How to Control Anger: Seven Quick Tips

Some people are prone to rage more often than others, but anger is a feeling that many of us could use a bit of help in handling. The choices we make when angry can often come back to haunt us, but the cycle can be hard to break. Anger has power—but there are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with that power, from letting it control you to wielding it in a way that spurs you on to something positive. Here's how to tame your inner raging bull:

1) Own It. Pretending you're not angry—especially while exhibiting nearly cartoonish physical signs of anger—does no good for you, the target of your anger, or your blood pressure. Many people think that to acknowledge anger is the same as acting inappropriately on it. That's simply not true, and the difference in those two concepts is huge. Admitting that you are upset, whether to yourself, or as calmly as possible to the person you're in conflict with ("I admit I seem to be getting upset here. I want to resolve this and not do anything I regret, so I am going to try to slow down.") can validate your feelings. This in turn can help you feel more empowered toward working toward a solution, and  it will also diminish the conflict within yourself.

2) Break It Down. So you're still simmering after your yearly review? If you jot down some of your thoughts, whether with prehistoric pen and paper or with an app du jour, you'll gain some clarity as to how they're serving as the antecedents to your feelings. In the process, you can sort out why you're upset and what steps you can take work through the situation. Perhaps most important, putting your feelings into words can make them feel more tangible, and therefore more manageable—which can eventually help them work their way out of your system.

3) Move It Out. As physical signs go, anger can look very similar to other forms of arousal, like anxiety or even excitement. Calming those physical impulses, or giving them someplace useful to go, can help you get your anger under control. Slow down your breathing through several long, deep breaths. Loosen your muscles through clenching and unclenching your fists and slowly doing a neck roll. If you can use that arousal for good rather than for clocking someone in the face, you'll be better off. So channel that rage into an activity that can release tension: running, kickboxing, dancing, jumping rope, or even just beating your fists against your chest like a gorilla. A primal scream can be helpful if you are blessed with the space. Instead of letting your frustration burn you up, you can burn it off. And if it comes out in the shape of tears, or even demonic laughter? Just let it.

4) Find The Big Picture. If you're still feeling steamed from that interaction with your colleague or that snarky tone from the person in line at the coffee shop, it might be time to make a list of the things you're grateful for. Gratitude meditations, or just sitting and focusing on what's right in your life, will make what you're angry about seem more molehill than mountain. You might also choose to think about the person whom you think has wronged you, and imagine what unique challenges they may be reacting to. Think about the ways that they could use some empathy, and try to mentally give it to them—that can often neutralize anger.

5) Share—carefully. If there is a friend or loved one you trust, sharing your feelings with them can sometimes be cathartic. But be aware that not everyone is equipped to hear difficult feelings in a healthy, supportive way. Some might just not be good listeners, and could just try to bottle up your emotions for you. Others might try to fan the flames, like audiences in a gladiator match.

6) Act. If someone drove poorly on the freeway, you'll simply move on, eventually. But if you're part of a toxic relationship or the victim of a serial aggressor, you'll need to do what you can to chart out steps to improve the situation. A specific plan of action with methodical goals, and the pathways to get there, can lend a very important sense of control, reducing your stress and increasing your peace.

7) Be Watchful. Sometimes things may seem to be resolved, but rage still lingers residually, in the form of irritability, insomnia, or even depression. Increasing your mindfulness via your awareness in the moment of your thoughts and feelings, and the triggers that seem to cause them, can serve as an early warning system for future conflicts. It can also help you determine if your anger is due to something deeper that could benefit from talking to a professional.

 copyright Andrea Bonior, Ph.D.

Anger Management

Williams' 12 Strategies for Controlling Aggression

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. – Mark Twain, American author

All of us experience anger from time to time. It's a normal, commonly experienced emotion.

However, anger can be incredibly destructive if we don't know how to control it. Frequent or misplaced anger can hurt our reputations, destroy our relationships, limit our opportunities, and even damage our health.

In this article, we'll look at what anger is, and what its consequences can be. We'll also look at 12 strategies that we can use to control anger and aggression.

Understanding Anger

According to psychologist T.W. Smith, anger is "an unpleasant emotion ranging in intensity from irritation or annoyance to fury or rage."

Every day, we can experience things that could make us angry. Common causes include feelings of:

• Frustration.
• Hurt.
• Harassment.
• Injustice, regardless of whether real or perceived.

Other causes include:

• Requests or criticisms that we believe are unfair.
• Threats to people, things, or ideas that we hold dear.

People experience anger in different ways and for different reasons. Something that makes you furious may only mildly irritate someone else. This subjectivity can make anger difficult to understand and manage. It also highlights that your response to anger is up to you.

Tip:

To understand how well you currently manage your anger, take our How Good Is Your Anger Management?   self-test.

The Dangers of Anger

An appropriate level of anger energizes us to take proper actions, solve problems, and handle situations constructively.

However, uncontrolled anger leads to many negative consequences, especially in the workplace. For instance, it can damage relationships with our bosses and colleagues; and it can lead people to lose trust and respect for us, especially when we react instantly and angrily to something that we've misperceived as a threat.

Anger also clouds our ability to make good decisions and find creative solutions to problems. This can negatively affect our work performance.

Frequent anger poses health risks too. One study found that people who get angry regularly are more likely to suffer from coronary heart disease, eating disorders, and obesity. Research has also found a correlation between anger and premature death. Further studies have found that there is a link between anger and conditions such as anxiety and depression.

Managing Anger

We manage anger when we learn to defuse it before it becomes destructive.

Below, we've outlined 12 strategies that you can use to control anger when you experience it. These reflect an abridged version of 17 strategies that Drs Redford Williams and Virginia Williams described in their best-selling book, "Anger Kills."

1. Acknowledge That you Have a Problem

If you find it difficult to manage your anger, the first thing you need to do is to be honest with yourself and acknowledge that you have a problem.

You can then make a plan to deal with it.

2. Keep a Hostility Log

Do you know what causes your anger? Chances are, you don't understand why you react angrily to some people or events.

Download our hostility log worksheet to monitor the triggers and the frequency of your anger. When you know what makes you angry, you can develop strategies to channel it effectively.

3. Use Your Support Network

Let the important people in your life know about the changes that you're trying to make. They can motivate and support you if you lapse into old behaviors.

These should be give-and-take relationships. Put some time aside every day to invest in these relationships, especially with close friends and family. You need to be there for them, just as they're willing to be there for you.

You can alleviate stress when you spend time with people you care about. This also helps you control your anger.

4. Interrupt the Anger Cycle

When you start to feel angry, try the following techniques:

• Yell "Stop!" loudly in your thoughts. This can interrupt the anger cycle.
• Use physical relaxation techniques like deep breathing   or centering  .
• Count to 20 before you respond.
• Manage your negative thoughts with imagery   and positive thinking  .
• Close your office door or find a quiet space, and meditate   for five minutes.
• Distract yourself from your anger – visit your favorite website, play a song that you like, daydream about a hobby that you enjoy, or take a walk.

Another approach is to consider the facts of the situation, so that you can talk yourself out of being angry.

To use this strategy, look at what you can observe about the person or situation, not what you're inferring about someone's motivations or intentions. Does this situation deserve your attention? And is your anger justified here?

When you look only at the facts, you'll likely determine that it's unproductive to respond with anger.

5. Use Empathy

If another person is the source of your anger, use empathy   to see the situation from his or her perspective.

Be objective here. Everyone makes mistakes, and it is through mistakes that people learn how to improve.

6. See the Humor in Your Anger

Learn to laugh at yourself and do not take everything seriously. The next time you feel tempted to lash out, try to see the humor in your expressions of anger.

One way to do this is to "catastrophize" the situation. This is when you exaggerate a petty situation that you feel angry about, and then laugh at your self-importance.

For example, imagine that you're angry because a sick team member missed a day of work. As a result, a report you were depending on is now late.

To catastrophize the situation, you think, "Wow, she must have been waiting months for the opportunity to mess up my schedule like this. She and everyone on the team probably planned this, and they're probably sending her updates about how angry I'm getting."

Obviously, this grossly exaggerates the situation. When you imagine a ridiculous and overblown version of the story, you'll likely find yourself smiling by the end of it.

7. Relax

Angry people let little things bother them. If you learn to calm down, you'll realize that there is no real need to get upset, and you'll have fewer angry episodes.

Regular exercise   can help you relax in tense situations. When possible, go for a walk, or stretch and breathe deeply whenever you start to feel upset.

You will also feel more relaxed when you get enough sleep   and eat a healthy diet.

Dehydration can often lead to irritability too, so keep hydrated throughout the day by drinking plenty of water.

8. Build Trust

Angry people can be cynical. They can believe that others do things on purpose to annoy or frustrate them, even before anything happens. However, people often focus less on you than you might think!

Build trust   with friends and colleagues. That way, you'll be less likely to get angry with them when something goes wrong. You'll also be less likely to attribute the problem to malicious intent on their part.

To build trust, be honest with people. Explain your actions or decisions when you need to, and always keep your word. If you do this consistently, people will learn that they can trust you. They'll also follow your lead, and you'll learn that you can trust them in return.

9. Listen Effectively

Miscommunication contributes to frustrating situations. The better you listen to what someone says, the easier it is to find a resolution that doesn't involve an angry response.

So, improve your active listening skills  . When others are speaking, focus on what they're saying, and don't get distracted by formulating your response before they've finished. When they're done speaking, show that you listened by reflecting back what they have just said.

10. Be Assertive

Remember, the word is "assertive," not "aggressive." When you're aggressive, you focus on winning. You care little for others' feelings, rights, and needs. When you're assertive, you focus on balance. You're honest about what you want, and you respect the needs of others.

If you're angry, it's often difficult to express yourself clearly. Learn to assert yourself   and let other people know your expectations, boundaries, and issues. When you do, you'll find that you develop self-confidence, gain respect, and improve your relationships.

11. Live Each Day as if it's Your Last

Life is short. If you spend all of your time getting angry, you're going to miss the many joys and surprises that life offers.

Think about how many times your anger has destroyed a relationship, or caused you to miss a happy day with friends and family. That's time that you'll never get back.

However, you can prevent this from happening again – the choice is yours.

12. Forgive and Forget

To ensure that you make long-term changes, you need to forgive people who have angered you.

It's not easy to forget past resentments, but the only way to move on is to let go of these feelings. (Depending on what or who is at the root of your anger, you may have to seek a professional's help to achieve this.)

So, start today. Make amends   with one person that you've hurt through your anger. It might be difficult, but you'll feel better afterwards. Plus, you'll be one step closer to healing the relationship.

Tip:

These strategies are only a general guide. If anger continues to be a problem, you might need to seek the help of a suitably qualified health professional, especially if your anger hurts others, or if it causes you physical pain or emotional distress.

Key Points

Anger is a powerful force that can jeopardize your relationships, your work, and your health, if you don't learn to manage it effectively.

To manage anger, acknowledge that you have a problem, keep a hostility log, and build a support network based on trust.

Also, use techniques to interrupt your anger, listen, empathize, be assertive with others, and learn to relax, as well as laugh at yourself.

Finally, don't let anger get in the way of the joys in life, and learn to forgive people that who make you angry.

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• sudatta_dg wrote Over a month ago

Hi Midgie
Nothing in particular...its more according to the situation...but I think I'd use it more in situations where the anger is sparked by people
whom I trust or am close to, or where i realize that the person on the other side did a certain thing/spoke in a certain way without the intention of harming/hurting....

• Midgie wrote Over a month ago

Hi Sudatta_dg,
Thanks for sharing your strategies like meditation and breathing. I also agree that sometimes 'forgive and forget' are a good strategies. The key is deciding when that is appropriate and when it is not.
Do you have any thoughts as to how you make your decision to 'forgive and forget'?
Midgie

• sudatta_dg wrote Over a month ago

Helpful read. I have personally found techniques like meditation, Reiki and breathing exercises to be very effective in managing anger. Also, I feel your suggestion "Forgive and Forget" works great!

• James wrote Over a month ago

Hi Everyone
We’ve given this popular article a review, and the updated version is now at
http://www.mindtools.com/community/pages/article/newTCS_97.php
Discuss the article by replying to this post!
Thanks
James

• mayc wrote Over a month ago

I've let anger and frustration get the better of me more than a few times. The work of making amends is SO not worth the few seconds of pleasure an outburst gives you!! I think I've been very good about keeping a lid on things and I have developed an understanding with a colleague where she agrees to let me vent on her and vice versa. It helps to talk about it with someone at work who you can trust. That way I'm not burdening my family and friends with work crap and I still have an opportunity to talk about it. Sometimes we look at ways to diffuse the situation but more often it's just a great way to get something off my chest with no judgment and no fear of reprisal.

• rrrao wrote Over a month ago

Hi Helena....
I read the article in detail. Really it is a very good article. Good insights are given to cope with anger. I enjoyed reading the article and some of the points have really driven me how to manage anger, whenever, i am emotional.
Kudos to mind tools to present such real life management tools.
Regards
Rao

Tips to Reduce Anger

Troubled by the way your anger controls you rather than you controlling it? Looking for an antidote to anger? Try Meditation!

Have you noticed that no matter how many times you remind yourself that getting angry is not good, yet when the emotion comes you are unable to control it. All through your childhood you have only learnt that ‘You should not get angry’ but the question remains ‘HOW not to get angry?’. What do you do when this thunderstorm of emotions comes?

Well, let’s understand the root cause of anger and simple tips by which you can manage it!

Understanding Anger

Have you noticed that when you see imperfection around you, you are unable to accept it? For instance when someone has done something wrong, your anger rises like a wave and subsides, leaving you shaken and sometimes with regret, isn’t it?

When we are angry, we are not aware. The first step is to realize that anger cannot remove the imperfections. Next is to know that only when we are able to accept the situation as it is, can we correct it with awareness. You might think this is easier said than done. How do you achieve a state of mind where these words become an experience? It is never easy to deal with the mind or emotions directly. That is why we need the help of certain techniques to help us.

There are three important aspects. If we address these, we can manage anger.

• Restlessness in the body and mind
• Past impressions of anger in the mind which are strong
• Lack of awareness and acceptance of imperfections (or mistakes

Let us look at these one by one.

Dealing With Restlessness In The Body & Mind

You are what you eat

Have you noticed that on certain days you feel very calm and relaxed, and on some days very restless? This is because the food you eat greatly affects your mind and your emotions. Certain types of food bring restlessness in the mind and body. Avoiding such food will help you reduce anger. These foods mainly include non-vegetarian, spicy and oily foods.

Experience the power of rest!

How do you feel the next morning if you have not slept well the night before? Do you tend to get angry more often? Tiredness and restlessness in your body can lead to irritation and agitation in the mind. Sleeping for at-least 6-8 hours a day is important. This ensures proper rest for the body and mind and you are less likely to get agitated.

Yogic twists are good!

Ten to fifteen minutes of yoga asanas will help remove the restlessness in your body. Few rounds of Sun Salutations could be a good way to begin with. The advantage of yoga asanas over just physical exercise is that yoga asanas are synchronised with the breath and increase your energy levels along with providing the necessary physical stretches.

Says Priyam Khanna, “On certain days when I am too stressed out, I feel a lot of stiffness in my body. This makes me very restless and agitated and I tend to get angry very easily. Yoga removes stiffness from the body and the result is a relaxed and happy mind.”

Make mind your best friend

Pranayamas such as Bhastrika and Nadi Shodhan help reduce the restlessness in the mind. When the mind is calm and quiet, you are less likely to get agitated and angry.

Your all time antidote

Taking a few deep breaths in and out will instantly help you drop anger. The moment you become angry, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths and observe the change in your state of mind. Breath releases stress and helps your mind calm down.

A 20-minute journey within

Regular practice of yoga, pranayama and attention to food help to settle the restlessness, but how to sustain a calm and balanced state of mind? Meditating regularly is your answer. Just twenty minutes of daily meditation is sufficient for the whole day.

Have you hmmed?

“Meditation keeps me calm and away from my anger,” shares Surbhi Sharma

This is another instant antidote to anger. Doing the Hmm process takes one to two minutes but will immediately make you calmer. Watch the video to learn how to do the hmmm process.

Eight Simple Anger Management Tips

By David Leonhardt

"The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going."

One of the biggest obstacles to personal and career success is anger. When we fail to control our anger, we suffer several blows:

• Anger impedes our ability to be happy, because anger and happiness are incompatible.
• Anger sends marriages and other family relationships off-course.
• Anger reduces our social skills, compromising other relationships, too.
• Anger means lost business, because it destroys relationships.
• Anger also means losing business that you could have won in a more gracious mood.
• Anger leads to increased stress (ironic, since stress often increases anger).
• We make mistakes when we are angry, because anger makes it harder to process information.

People are beginning to wake up to the dangers of anger and the need for anger management skills and strategies. Many people find anger easy to control. Yes, they do get angry. Everybody does. But some people find anger easier to manage than others. More people need to develop anger management skills.

Develop your anger management skills

For those who have a tough time controlling their anger, an anger management plan might help. Think of this as your emotional control class, and try these self-help anger management tips:

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #1
Ask yourself this question: "Will the object of my anger matter ten years from now?" Chances are, you will see things from a calmer perspective.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #2
Ask yourself: "What is the worst consequence of the object of my anger?" If someone cut in front of you at the book store check-out, you will probably find that three minutes is not such a big deal.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #3
Imagine yourself doing the same thing. Come on, admit that you sometimes cut in front of another driver, too ... sometimes by accident. Do you get angry at yourself?

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #4
Ask yourself this question: "Did that person do this to me on purpose?" In many cases, you will see that they were just careless or in a rush, and really did not mean you any harm.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #5
Try counting to ten before saying anything. This may not address the anger directly, but it can minimize the damage you will do while angry.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #6
Try some "new and improved" variations of counting to ten. For instance, try counting to ten with a deep slow breathe in between each number. Deep breathing -- from your diaphragm -- helps people relax.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #7
Or try pacing your numbers as you count. The old "one-steamboat-two-steamboat, etc." trick seems kind of lame to me. Steamboats are not the best devices to reduce your steam. How about "One-chocolate-ice-cream-two-chocolate-ice-cream", or use something else that you find either pleasant or humorous.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #8
Visualize a relaxing experience. Close your eyes, and travel there in your mind. Make it your stress-free oasis.

One thing I do not recommend is "venting" your anger. Sure, a couple swift blows to your pillow might make you feel better (better, at least, than the same blows to the door!), but research shows that "venting" anger only increases it. In fact, speaking or acting with any emotion simply rehearses, practices and builds that emotion.

If these tips do not help and you still feel you lack sufficient anger management skills, you might need some professional help, either in the form of a therapist specializing in anger management or a coach with a strong background in psychology.

Anger Management Skills and Techniques

The anger management skills, techniques, and strategies
that are taught in Dr. Becourtney’s anger management
program are largely based on the work of Dr. Tony Fiore
and Dr. Ari Novick.  Detailed information pertaining to their
eight anger control tools can be found in their acclaimed
book, Anger Management for the 21st Century.

The following is a summary of Dr. Fiore and Dr. Novick’s
eight anger management techniques:

Anger Management Technique #1 — Recognize
Stress.
This anger control tool emphasizes the importance of
understanding how stress underlies anger and how to
reduce stress before it turns into anger.

Anger Management Technique #2 — Develop
Empathy.  
This anger control skill focuses on the relationship between
empathy and anger management and how one can reduce
his/her anger by learning how to see things from the
perspective of others.

Anger Management Technique #3 — Respond Instead
of React.  
This anger management technique enables one to respond
rather than automatically react to anger/stress triggers.  
Human beings have the capacity to choose how to express
their anger and therefore can learn new ways to more
effectively communicate their needs, feelings or requests.

Anger Management Technique #4 — Change That
Conversation With Yourself.  
This anger control technique involves learning to recognize
and modify one’s inner conversations.  Learning to change
that “self-talk” empowers you to deal with anger more
effectively in terms of how strongly you feel the anger, how
long you hold onto your anger, and how you express your
anger.

Anger Management Technique #5 — Communicate
Assertively.  
This anger management skill is about being able to
honestly and effectively communicate how you feel and to
respond to things without getting angry or hostile about it.

Anger Management Technique #6 — Adjust
Expectations.  
Anger is often triggered by a discrepancy between what we
expect and what we get.  Learning to adjust those
expectations—sometimes upward and other times
downward—can help us cope with difficult situations or
people or even cope with ourselves.

Anger Management Technique #7 — Forgive, but
Don't Forget!  
Resentment is a form of anger that does more damage to
the holder than the offender.  Making a decision to “let go”
(while still protecting ourselves) is often a process of
forgiveness—or at least acceptance—and a major step
toward anger control.

Anger Management Technique #8 — Retreat and
Think Things Over!  
This anger management tool consists of removing yourself
from the situation and taking a temporary “time-out” while
sticking to some basic rules that are described in Dr. Fiore
and Dr. Novick’s acclaimed book, Anger Management for
the 21st Century.

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

Keeping your temper in check can be challenging. Use simple anger management tips — from taking a timeout to using "I" statements — to stay in control.

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Do you fume when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure rocket when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.

Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

1. Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

2. Once you're calm, express your anger

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

3. Get some exercise

Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

4. Take a timeout

Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.

5. Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.

6. Stick with 'I' statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes," instead of, "You never do any housework."

7. Don't hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.

8. Use humor to release tension

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

9. Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

10. Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

16 tips

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
Chinese Proverb

Anger could cause big problems. A problem that is small in the beginning could become bad if we handle it with anger. Not only will the situation itself get worse, our relationships with others could also deteriorate. In short, handling something with anger won’t make things better.

That’s why it’s essential to control anger. By controlling anger we will be able to handle problems with calm. We can then exercise our wisdom and judgment to the problem at hand to achieve the best possible solution. Being someone who sometimes gets angry, there are some tips I find useful on dealing with anger. Here they are – choose the ones that work for you:

1. Take a deep breath

Taking a deep breath is an easy way to calm your nerves. It will be easier for you to do the other tips when your anger has subsided.

2. Drink a glass of water

It’s also an easy way to calm your nerves.

3. Take a bath

I know it is not possible in many circumstances, but if you can do it the effect is immediate.

4. Don’t speak while you are angry

If you did so you may speak harshly to others and that could be something you regret. There is a nice quote about it:

When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.
Thomas Jefferson

5. Listen to what people say

Continuing the previous tip, not only should we not speak while we are angry, we should also learn to listen. Pay attention and try to understand the point the other person makes.

6. Take a walk

Changing your situation is a good way to overcome anger. One way to do so is by taking a walk outside.

7. Pray or meditate

Praying or meditating is an effective way to calm your nerve. It could help you regain your inner peace.

8. Listen to calming music

My favorite is instrumental music since it seems to have better calming effect but you can use whatever music that works for you.

9. Have realistic expectations

Sometimes we are angry simply because we have unrealistic expectations toward others. Make sure that your expectations are realistic. You can’t expect other people to be like you.

10. Realize that nobody is perfect

Everybody can make mistake including you. Realizing this will make it easier for you to understand when someone makes mistakes.

11. See from the other person’s perspective

One way to do that is by asking yourself: “How do I feel if I’m in his or her position?”

12. Tell a wise friend

Sometimes you just need to talk about it with a wise friend. He or she can help you see the problem in the right perspective. Just be careful to choose the right person.

13. Look at the positive side

This is a habit you should build. The habit of looking at the positive side will help you look at many situations in constructive ways.

14. Exercise

You can control anger by directing your energy to a different direction so that it’s no longer available for anger. A good candidate is exercising.

15. Learn to forgive

If you release forgiveness you will no longer have reasons to angry to someone else. You can then focus on positive ways to solve the problem.

16. Think in long term

Often we are angry because we see too near to the future and do not think about the implications in the long term. By seeing in the long term we will be able to see the consequences of anger. There’s a quote I love about it:

When anger rises, think of the consequences.
Confucius

Anger illness: 10 tips for self-control

Psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow offers some advice to help moms control anger and create a healthier environment for their kids

For many mothers angry outbursts and uncontrollable rage are a part of their everyday lives, and much of it is directed at their kids. It’s known as "the anger illness." But what can you do to end the anger? Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatrist and host of “The Dr. Keith Ablow Show,” and he was invited to appear on “Today” to offer some advice. Read more of his tips below:

The Anger Illness
Dr. Keith’s Ten Tips for Self-Control

Know your anger well enough to stop it.
Is the first sign of losing your temper when your pulse starts to race? When you get tongue-tied? When your fists clench? The moment your rage starts to build, stop what you’re doing and head to a safe place in your house. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and give yourself 30 seconds to calm down. And during those 30 seconds remind yourself that you’re battling an illness — the anger illness — not your kids.

Catch yourself with a few catch phrases.
Come up with a few “catch phrases” to calm you down at moments when you feel your anger starting to build. Use them like your personal mantra. “He’s only six,” is a good one. So are:  “She’s just a kid.” “You’ll feel bad later if you blow up.” “Be the best mother you can be.” Talk to yourself.

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Think about explaining your behavior to your child when he or she is an adult.
Really picture trying to explain screaming or hitting your son or daughter to your son or daughter, years from now. That alone can be a sobering thought that keeps your anger from erupting.

Think tug-of-war: If you lose focus, you lose the game.
Assume you are in a real battle to stay in control (because you are). It’s you against your temper, and you really want to win. And remind yourself that winning brings respect from your kids and your spouse — not to mention, self-respect.   

Let yourself laugh — at them, at yourself and at life.
Kids test your patience. They throw things, run around, ask question after question. If you admit from the start that you can’t control them completely, or sometimes at all, you’ll be less upset when they spill something or touch something they shouldn’t or ask for a toy 50 times.   

Ask your kids for help.
Let them take care of you a little bit. It’s okay. Kids will respond much more to sincere requests for help than to angry outbursts. It isn’t about laying a guilt trip on your kids, it’s about sparking their empathy. Try these out: “I can’t get you to school at all if you won’t get dressed and that would make me really sad.” “If you don’t get in the car we’ll be late and then I’ll feel like I did a bad job as a mommy.” “When you don’t clean up your room it makes me think you don’t care about my feelings very much.” 

Look in the mirror.
Literally. When you feel angry, look at yourself in the mirror. It won’t be a pretty picture. It’s actually pretty hard to stay enraged when you’re staring yourself in the face.

Throw some cold water on it.
Wash your face with cold water when things are heating up. It’ll calm you down.

Breathe through it.
Deep breath — in and out — will actually help you stay in control. That’s why we tell kids who are crying to take deep breaths. It makes a difference.

Tell someone about it.
Don’t reach for your kid, reach for your phone. Call a trusted friend or your partner. Tell that person you’re at wits end and really need to hear something to calm you down. Chances are, you will — a joke or a few kind words — that will really help.