Praise be to Allah.
Islam has enjoined
upon the husband duties towards his wife, and vice versa, and among
these duties are some which are shared by both husband and wife.
We will mention – by the help of Allaah –
some of the texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah which have to do with the
duties of the spouses towards one another, quoting also from the
commentaries and views of the scholars.
The husband’s rights over his wife.
The rights of the husband over his wife are
among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than
her rights over him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
“And they (women) have rights (over their
husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their
husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is
reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them
[al-Baqarah 2:228]
al-Jassaas said: Allaah tells us in this
aayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the
husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have
over him.
Ibn al-‘Arabi said: this text states that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of marriage.
These rights include:
(a)The obligation of obedience. Allaah has
made the man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by
commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take
care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties
that Allaah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He
has enjoined upon them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of
women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and
because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn
‘Abbaas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they
are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience
that Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family
well and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil,
al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak.(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492)
(b)Making herself available to her husband.
One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that he should
be able to enjoy her (physically). If he marries a woman and she is able
to have intercourse, she is obliged to submit herself to him according
to the contract, if he asks her. That is after he gives her the
immediate mahr, and gives her some time – two or three days, if she asks
for that – to sort herself out, because that is something that she
needs, and because that is not too long and is customary.
If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s
request for intercourse, she has done something haraam and has
committed a major sin, unless she has a valid shar’i excuse such as
menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may
Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his
bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels
will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim,
1436)
(c)Not admitting anyone whom the husband
dislikes. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that
she should not permit anyone whom he dislikes to enter his house.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah
be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permitted for a woman to fast
when her husband is present without his permission, or to admit anyone
into his house without his permission. And whatever she spends (in
charity) of his wealth without his consent, ….” (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)
It was narrated from Sulaymaan ibn ‘Amr ibn
al-Ahwas: my father told me that he was present at the Farewell
Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa’) with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him). He [the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him)] praised and glorified Allaah, then he preached a
sermon and said: “Treat women kindly, for they are (as) prisoners and
you have no other power over them than that, if they are guilty of open
lewdness, then refuse to share their beds, and hit them, but not
severely. But if they return to obedience, (then) do not seek means (of
annoyance) against them. You have rights over your women and your women
have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should
not let anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed and they should not let
anyone whom you dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are that
you should feed and clothe them well.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 – he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. Also narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1851)
It was narrated that Jaabir said: [the Prophet] (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have
taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been
made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them,
and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let
them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can
chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you
should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
(d)Not going out of the house except with
the husband’s permission. One of the rights of the husband over his wife
is that she should not go out of the house except with his permission.
The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis said: she does not
have the right to visit (even) her sick father except with the
permission of her husband, and he has the right to prevent her from
doing that… because obedience to the husband is obligatory, and it is
not permitted to neglect an obligatory action for something that is not
obligatory.
(e)Discipline. The husband has the right to
discipline his wife if she disobeys him in something good, not if she
disobeys him in something sinful, because Allaah has enjoined
disciplining women by forsaking them in bed and by hitting them, when
they do not obey.
The Hanafis mentioned four situations in
which a husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting her.
These are: not adorning herself when he wants her to; not responding
when he calls her to bed and she is taahirah (pure, i.e., not
menstruating); not praying; and going out of the house without his
permission.
The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one's wife includes the aayahs (interpretation of the meaning):
“As to those women on whose part you see
ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds,
(and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones” [al-Tahreem 66:6]
Ibn Katheer said:
Qutaadah said: you should command them to
obey Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Allaah; you should be in charge
of them in accordance with the command of Allaah, and instruct them to
follow the commands of Allaah, and help them to do so. If you see any
act of disobedience towards Allaah, then stop them from doing it and
rebuke them for that.
This was also the view of al-Dahhaak and
Muqaatil: that the duty of the Muslim is to teach his family, including
his relatives and his slaves, that which Allaah has enjoined upon them
and that which He has forbidden them. (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/392)
(f)The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence (daleel) for this, some of which has been mentioned above.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:
She is obliged to serve her husband
according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing. That
varies according to circumstances: the way in which a Bedouin woman
serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a town-dweller, and the
way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a weak woman.
(al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561)
(g)Submitting herself to him. Once the
conditions of the marriage-contract have been fulfilled and it is valid,
then the woman is obliged to submit herself to her husband and allow
him to enjoy her (physically), because once the contract is completed,
he is allowed in return to enjoy her, and the wife is entitled to the
compensation which is the mahr.
(h)The wife should treat her husband in a good manner, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And they (women) have rights (over their
husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their
husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is
reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]
Al-Qurtubi said:
It was also narrated from him – i.e., Ibn
‘Abbaas – that this means: they have the right to good companionship and
kind and reasonable treatment from their husbands just as they are
obliged to obey the commands of their husbands.
And it was said that they have the right
that their husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a
similar right over them. This was the view of al-Tabari.
Ibn Zayd said: You should fear Allaah concerning them just as they should fear Allaah concerning you.
The meanings are similar, and the aayah
includes all of that in the rights and duties of marriage.(Tafseer
al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124)
And Allaah knows best.
The rights of the wife :
The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation.
And she has non-financial rights, such as
fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable
manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband.
1.Financial rights
(a)The mahr (dowry). This is the money to
which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract
is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which
the man is obliged to pay to the woman. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
“And give to the women (whom you marry) their
Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the
time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]
The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the
seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of
respect and honour to the woman.
The mahr is not a condition or essential part
of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather
it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract
is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according
to the consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
“There is no sin on you, if you divorce women
while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor
appointed unto them their Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his
wife at the time of marriage)” [al-Baqarah 2:236]
The fact that divorce is permitted before
consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahr indicates
that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahr in the
marriage-contract.
If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes
obligatory upon the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give
the mahr that is given to women of similar status to his wife.
(b)Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed
that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the
condition that the wife make herself available to her husband. If she
refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending.
The reason why it is obligatory to spend on
her is that the woman is available only to her husband, because of the
marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave the marital home
except with his permission. So he has to spend on her and provide for
her, and this is in return for her making herself available to him for
his pleasure.
What is meant by spending is providing what
the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to these
things even if she is rich, because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis” [al-Baqarah 2:233]
“Let the rich man spend according to his
means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend
according to what Allaah has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7]
From the Sunnah:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah – the wife of Abu Sufyaan – who had
complained that he did not spend on her: “Take what is sufficient for
you and your children, on a reasonable basis.”
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind
bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O
Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend
enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth
without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said,
‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for
you and your children.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)
It was narrated from Jaabir that the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in
his Farewell Sermon:
“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have
taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been
made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them,
and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let
them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can
chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you
should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
(c)Accommodation. This is also one of the
wife’s rights, which means that her husband should prepare for her
accommodation according to his means and ability. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6]
2.Non-financial rights
(i)Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the
rights that a wife has over her husband is that she and her co-wives
should be treated equally, if the husband has other wives, with regard
to nights spent with them, spending and clothing.
(ii)Kind treatment. The husband must have a
good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her
everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]
“And they (women) have rights (over their
husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their
husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is
reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]
From the Sunnah:
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may
Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”(Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468).
There follow examples of the kind treatment
of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) towards his
wives – for he is the best example:
1. It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi
Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I got my menses when I was lying with
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) under a single
woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for
menstruation. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said to me, ‘Have you got your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then
he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.”
She said: And she told me that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to kiss her when he was
fasting, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
and I used to do ghusl to cleanse ourselves from janaabah from one
vessel.(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296)
2. It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn
al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By Allaah, I saw the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) standing at the door
of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in
the Mosque of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their
games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had
enough. So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like to have
fun.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892)
3. It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah the
Mother of the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to
pray sitting down; he would recite Qur’aan when he was sitting down,
then when there were thirty or forty aayahs left, he would stand up and
recite them standing up. Then he did rukoo’, then sujood; then he would
do likewise in the second rak’ah. When he had finished his prayer, he
would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was
asleep he would lie down.
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1068)
(c) Not harming one’s wife.
This is one of the basic principles of Islam.
Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even
more so in the case of harming one’s wife.
It was narrated from ‘Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit
that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
ruled, “There should be no harming nor reciprocating harm.” (Narrated
by Ibn Maajah,, 2340)
This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah and others. See Khalaasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.
Among the things to which the Lawgiver drew
attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating in a
severe manner.
It was narrated from Jaabir that the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in
his Farewell Sermon:
“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have
taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been
made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them,
and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let
them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can
chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you
should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
Posts
